TRANSitioning.

Transitioning.

“I feel I am a woman trapped inside the body of a man.”

In today’s society, with a choice of male, female, neutral or other pronouns, such a statement is becoming more commonly heard. Training courses are regularly offered to those working in health-care, social-care, and mental-health settings. Despite the seemingly simple choice at hand, delving deeper into this utterance raises some deep ideas and interesting conflictions around the inner workings of the mind of someone who is transgender. There are two broad, multi-layered points I wish to explore: dealing with what is meant by ‘self’ or ‘I’, as well as the ideas of ‘being’. The tone of this short essay is not to seek offence, yet simply to explore ideas that are often not discussed, through ignorance or fear, with the possibility of allowing readers to take a closer look into the workings of the minds of those who are transgender. We may not come to a concrete conclusion, but a journey can still be worthwhile, even if the final destination is the same as where we started. Throughout, I will use examples primarily with reference to men transitioning to women, purely because if I were to constantly be writing he/she/they, it will become tiresome and lack the flow I wish my writing to possess. Apologies in advance. 

Let’s start by talking about the first point related to this statement: the ‘I’ in ‘I feel I am trapped’. On the surface, this can often make at least some sense to those who are yet to take a detailed, further look. We are of course discussing the differences and discrepancies between body and mind, but on a deeper level than just dualism. As humans, we are, for no better expression, sacks of organs encapsulated by our skin, with chemical reactions and electrical activity occurring inside us, so complex that science is yet to fully understand large parts of it. Yet to coin the phrase “I feel I am trapped inside this body”, there must be something extra among some of us that is distinct from the body. What is it then that is unalike, that could possibly lead certain people to feel that they possess a body they do not want, and that they wish to be rid of? The notions of spirits or essences are widely discussed and attempts have even been made to study them. Therefore, what is it about the body itself that is trapping the ‘I’, and furthermore, why is this seen as not only a problem that cannot be lived with, but something that must be actively addressed? Do all transgender people possess a spirit? Do they all have an essence inside of them that is yet to be discovered by science? Can it be transferred extra-corporally to another body?

Phrases such as ‘I belong in another body’ are also not too uncommon; so not only is there a lack of feeling of belonging in one body, but a pairing with a desire to be in another. What is it about one sack of organs compared to another that presents such a ‘grass is greener’ complex? Is it the associated genitalia? Sexuality issues? The way we dress? Stereotypically speaking purely for argument’s sake, a man is able to wear a dress, have long hair, and paint his nails, but of course to simply say that a woman is nothing but a man with a different appearance is ludicrous and down-right patronising. Additionally, crossdressers have been apparent for a long time already, as have tomboys and men labelled as camp or overly feminine; so that does not cut it. If a man were to go through chemical castration and switch genitalia, would that suffice? Yet the transgender community are the forerunners for the ideas that genitals do not define gender. If the process of reconstructive surgery were to help in someone feel they now belonged in their own body, was this ever a case of feeling ‘trapped in their body’, or was it actually a feeling of having the ‘wrong’ genitals? If a man, comfortable he belongs in his own body, lacks his trusted appendage, does this reduce him to something less? Is a woman unable to fall pregnant any less of a woman, for she possesses her assigned genitalia, they just lack a function?

Such a transition from male to female or vice versa is of course more than just a cut and stick job, with hormonal replacement a large factor in this as well. Is the idea of feeling like your desired gender the true goal, irrespective of the body you possess? Feelings are incredibly subjective, with incongruities bound to occur on a person to person basis, let alone large scale. So, what is it to feel like a woman, and are women only able to answer this? What would they compare it to if they have never felt anything else before? Does creating less testosterone but making more oestrogen and progesterone lay claim to what is desired, or something greater? Is it therefore actually not just a case of physically having too much or too little of something, but a lack of the thoughts and feelings that a person has? Is it not the body that is the problem, but in actual fact the mind?

If a son of mine, irrespective of their age, were to ever approach me around the subject, for example stating they felt they wanted to be a girl, despite having been born a boy, my approach would be as follows. A large and open discussion would be required to actually identify what he thought it meant to be a girl, as it is only from there that we will be able to progress further in what it is he wants to do. I am sure that his upbringing, the views of those around him, and the interactions he has had with both genders throughout his life will have led him to formulate his own definition of what it is to be a woman, and from this, what it is in his own life that he feels he lacks or desires because he is a man. Depending on his age, I am sure that issues around his sexuality and the way he can express himself will surface, yet the discussion could continue almost indefinitely.

Where to even begin when discussing what it means to be a man or woman. When taking the verb on its own, to ‘be’, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is to exist. Is living as, feeling as, and being treated as a woman enough to be one? Is it to go through the joys and horrors of childbirth, to know your predecessors fought hard for the vote and harder for equality, or to live in a society that, even today, still seems constantly aimed against your favour? If general consensus proposes that men must behave in a certain way, yet a father does not, is he not sufficient for the role? If a man claims to behave as a woman, yet remains his identity as a man, can he claim to be resident in both camps? This is of course, only one side of the coin, of a small, insignificant look at what each gender would claim it is to be. I am sure that if it were pursued, it would no doubt end in a debate around societal gender roles, lack of equality, and where those who are on either side of the coin would fall into place; a discussion for a later date.

I am sure that polls, discussions, and debates with members of the transgender community around why they feel what they feel, would bring up answers I have not covered, and I am certainly not claiming to have covered even a small portion of the topic to its fullest at all. Instead, I hope I have offered a neutral discussion that has taken a different approach to a topic that is not often covered, in order to discuss these views in a non-critical manner. In reality, the answers to my questions will probably be a complex combination of many of the points raised with many more on top, all in different degrees of applicability on a personal basis. I hope the ‘counter-points’ I have proposed (this was never set out as an argument against being transgender) can offer introspection to those of such backgrounds, as well as allow those who do not identify as being transgender to feel that they can further discuss such topics openly and without fear of backlash.